New Beginnings

I can't believe I haven't posted since February. I suppose that shows me how busy my life has been. Either that or my creativity has dried up considerably. I still compose semi-monthly emails to friends and family, but alas I have become enamored of the 501 character posts on Facebook. Call it an exercise in pith--or perhaps an incredible waste of time considering I post sometimes 3 times a day.

So on to new beginnings. A new school year seems like as good a time as any to make new resolutions and goals. My calendar year has always started in August and ended in May. This year is no exception. I now have a kindergartener and a preschooler. Babes no more. Can I get a hallelujah? I haven't yet had that "oh" moment when I realize we're closing a chapter--the pre-3 years are forever gone. So far, I'm okay with that. My three year old (as of yesterday at 12:22pm) is still chubby cheeked and round like little ones are. My six year old still hugs and kisses me as if I've been gone a million years. So I suppose I haven't missed the hanging on and neediness I've grown accustomed to because it hasn't yet gone away. But I am beginning to notice that I've become more of a referee and less of a playmate.

I enjoy the newer types of play--reading real books and stories (chapter books, science books, books about something), playing real games (board games, bigger puzzles, jenga, etc), and watching various and sundry puppet shows, dance-offs, band jams, and the like. I don't enjoy getting playdough out of the carpet, stepping on legos, trying to wash marker out of the comforters on the beds, and stinky shoes.

I suppose there will be new beginnings for me this year too. Grade mom responsibilities, carpool etiquette, flag football mom (baseball mom was kinda scary--I had to pull myself off the dug out chain link fence a time or two), and homework supervisor (kindergarten? you ask--yes apparently there are spelling words, reading assignments, and some math, WOW).

There will be some reruns, but with a different cast. Preschool is old hat by now, but with a new main character. And the baby (which he isn't anymore) is a completely different child. It will be an interesting dynamic to watch. New teachers, new toys, new building, and new friends await us at the old preschool.

To entertain my readers, I've decided to list a few of the statements I've heard lately that remind me of my new phase in life. While I'm still in the trenches of child-rearing, I can no longer complain about baby stuff, because my three year old uses sentences longer than his body and my six year old's vocabulary scares me.

"I'm not a baby, I'm a big boy, look at my legs."

"I'm pretty sure moths are nocturnal creatures."

"Hey wait for me. Don't leave yet."

"Hey mommy, I'm going to take a break from this playing."

"Mom, don't you want to watch me read?"

"Mom, are we going the direction of Northwest or Northeast?"

"Hey I can read that sign."

"Don't you think I'll be big enough once I'm 7 or 8?"

"I not hold your hand. I walk beside you."

"Are you disgusted with me or just mad?"

"Mom, I'm gonna push your buttons."

"Mom, you're my best friend."

Watch out world! Here we come.

Doing the right thing is more than just doing the right thing

My small group began meeting again in January and this time we are reading, "Soul Feast" by Marjorie Thompson. It's a fabulous read--meaty, generous, and written with a gentle open-minded spirit. Last month our group was discussing one of the study questions and as often happens, a totally different question was raised for which I am still formulating an answer. Our group was talking about "good works" (community involvement, mission work, whatever you want to call it) and someone asked the question, "Where does the Christianity piece come in to doing good? Even Atheists do the right thing." And then someone asked, "does it really matter?" My gut reaction was "Christianity absolutely matters" but after some careful examination I couldn't support my gut reaction with any useful reasons. What a serious pause for my faith journey! Why on earth is it important to call myself a Christian and why is being a Christian important? If we're all doing the right thing and we're all following a similar moral order and we're all helping each other in the name of humanity is Christianity obsolete?

Then I thought about another idea we were kicking around in small group--the loss of the mystery of faith. The practice of Christianity was stripped down in the Reformation to the point where many of the rituals and traditions of faith were removed and have been almost lost. There are many saints and followers teachings and writings that have been marginalized or lost or ostracized. We have lost the ability to believe in the mystery and wonder of Christ in our age of reason, science, and post-enlightenment. I wonder if we have such difficulty with our beliefs because they cannot be easily explained and sound to us like some far-fetched fairy tale.

I write these first two paragraphs to set the context of my answer. This question of does it matter if I'm a Christian as long as I'm a good person, is a big deal to me. I'm raising two children in the Christian faith and I'm trying to live a life based on a belief system I think is worthy, and all of a sudden I'm being confronted by a crisis of faith. I haven't given up on Jesus, but if he can't be more than just a good guy, then for me the mystery and power of my faith is lost. I've known lots of good guys in my life. I've had many role models. I've even known some true believers who inspired me to make life better. But I have to tell you there are very few people out there who have emulated the truly sacrificial nature of what perfect love looks like.

We are all skeptics in this great big rational world of ours. Even I've looked pained when people begin sharing how God was speaking to them this morning. Many of us find the outspoken among the "born-again" to be tiresome. However, I must say the lukewarm feelings rarely shared by main-line Christians makes me wonder if we believe anything at all. To be blunt, people get really uncomfortable talking about "being saved." Well, I understand that. It's a hard thing to talk about. How on earth do you explain the moment you were touched by God? How do rationalize how you came to know and feel the presence of Jesus in your heart whether or not your mind understands it? It doesn't always happen all at once. For many of us (self included) it's a longer journey. A painful shying away of a call that just won't go away. Some of us grow up in a church, with Christians all around us and don't have a clue what salvation really means until one day, you just know.

Pondering how God is willing to include every single human ever created, because of his immense, all powerful love that obliterates every single moment of human suffering, wrong doing, unkindness (the list is endless) is overwhelming. The idea that God created an atonement so perfect and so complete that all wrongs are made right is more than I can wrap my judgmental heart around. There are simply no words to describe such a gift. There are often no words to explain how accepting this gift changes your life. Those changes may be so subtle that you won't even know it until you lived with it a while. The beauty of the mystery of faith is that it is a mystery. We try to put words and rules and belief systems around the mystery of a perfect incarnate God and call it faith and discipline and righteousness. We've been trying to describe the same mystery for centuries and we're no better at it now (and perhaps much worse) than we were then.

The closest thing that comes to describing the essence of Christianity is a true understanding of what it means to sacrifice for someone else. To lay down one's life for one's friends--notice I didn't say for something you believe in, or for war, or for an idea--but for another human being. There are many types of relationships that emulate this idea of self-sacrifice: parents and children, brothers and sisters, soldiers who share a foxhole, young love, soul mates, kindred spirits. There isn't a lack of stories about the nature of ultimate goodness that does exist in this world. What there is a serious lack of is day to day commitment to making all people matter. God's love extends to all people in all religions, in all walks of live, in every corner of this beautiful earth that we are so intent on destroying for our own purposes. Christianity is about sacrifice and love, and yes saving ourselves from the hells that we have created out of some misguided notion of "fill-in-the-blank." Our commitment to His kingdom has to include all people, because our claim on His love is no stronger than the love we have for all people.

So that's why I think when we're doing "good works" the Christianity part is important. When we're doing the good works, we're learning about the person we're helping. We learning about ourselves and how our own lives rely on the generosity and willingness of someone else. We're engaging in a relationship that may one day call on us to make a supreme sacrifice. It may not mean laying down our life, but it may mean challenging the social order. It may mean working for justice. It may mean standing up for something or someone unpopular. It may mean shutting up and listening so we can learn something. It may mean learning just how vain and self satisfied we are. It may mean following a call that we don't want to follow. When we offer our time to share with another person (whether helping, healing, or hoping with them), we are saying you are worth my time. You are equally as important to me as anything or anyone else I was going to engage with today. You have an equal claim to the kingdom of God. You have an equal portion of His love and His grace and His abundance in whatever way you wish to take it. Let's claim our portion together in the name of friendship so that when the day comes when we are to lay down our lives for one another we will do so with love and a willing spirit.

The Gift of Giving

We've been discussing giving in Sunday School over the last several weeks. It's an interesting topic on many levels. Who and when and how much and for what are just the basic questions. The deeper questions behind giving involve the why.
I don't know when I decided to structure my giving around the membership pledge at church, but that's essentially my personal framework. When you join as a member of the United Methodist Church, you pledge to support the church with your prayers, your presence, your gifts, your service, (and recently added) your witness.
When I do sit down to ponder my relationship with God and giving, I find this framework mentioned above useful. I pray for my church. Sometimes it's for members, sometimes it's for the minister, sometimes it's for my Bible study group, sometimes it's for a current project (like upcoming VBS). I should commit to praying for my whole church, and the Christian church in general throughout the world everywhere every day. Note to self, do that.
I support the church through my presence. When we are in town, we go to church. Even if our kids are sick, we generally take turns. One of us goes with the well child and the other stays home with the sick one. We attempt to go to as many opportunities at church that appeal to us--Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, special services for Lent or Christmas, Wednesday night speakers that interest us, church committee meetings, and so forth.
I guess if I were to truly examine what presence means, it might look differently. Do I change my vacation schedule so that we can be back in church on Sunday morning? Do we attend services at other places when we are traveling? Do we visit other churches to give our children exposure to the many different types of worship there are in the world? I have a feeling supporting the church by our presence means more than just showing up on Sunday for the 11 o'clock service. But that's a good place to start.
We support the church through our gifts. Now most people would assume that "gifts" is a euphemism for money. I don't know why we don't just say, "by our tithe" but we don't. There are other forms of monetary giving that fall outside of tithing I suppose, so the church didn't want to miss out on those opportunities I guess. (I'm joking gently I hope.) We give towards camp scholarships, Christmas giving for the needy, sponsorships of families who need assistance, etc. In our house, this type of giving while through the church comes in addition to our attempts at tithing.
I also consider gifts in a more spiritual way. Sometimes gifts and service bleed into one another. Some people are gifted in teaching, so they give of their time teaching Sunday School. Some people are gifted with singing, so they sing in the choir every Sunday. This donation of time is more than just a service opportunity for the church. These people are sacrificially giving of their time to something greater than themselves. Sacrificial giving is really what God has in mind.
God meant for gifts to mean, whatever spiritual talents you have use them for the glory of God. Which is of course where service comes in. I think we're all fairly well acquainted with service. Remember all those dinners in the fellowship hall growing up? The church ladies back there warming up casseroles and pouring tea behind the long church tables? There are of course, a multitude of other ways to serve your church--hospital visitations, shut-in visitations, the alter guild, the parsonage committee. You name it, your church will have a committee for it. Just say yes to one thing, and your phone will ring off the hook for about three years. I'd say we have the service part down--as long as we're glorifying God, and not just our skills in multi-tasking.
Then there is that new component of witness. I'm not a shy person. I'm not particularly challenged in the sharing department in any way shape or form. I am however, terrible at evangelism. Upon further reflection, perhaps witness has multiple components? If we live our lives so that others will know Christ is active in our lives, do we not witness to others? Good deeds and good works that come from true believers are more likely to have positive witness results than all the street corner preaching in all the corners of the world. I'm rather Methodist in this regard. Our church missions tend to be oriented in the model of work first, share faith when asked. And I think that's how it should be. I think a true conversion experience will always have a component of, I saw how others lived and believed and wanted to know what that was like. Like I said, I'm a little uncomfortable in this area, so I tend to cherry pick my evangelism opportunities and pray to be enlightened as I go.
I happen to think these principles can be found in all organized religions. The Christian church doesn't expect us to be perfect at giving. The church says give because Christ gave to you. Religious-based or not, you can practice these five basic principles when giving to local charities, global charities, and other institutional giving (like your college or university). I've been inspired over the outpouring of love, concern, and giving to foundations and charities around the world that base their organizations on these five basic principles of prayers, presence, gifts, service, and witness.
You can also practice these five basic principles when giving to people in your life. Your prayers, presence, gifts, service, and witness to them--and them to you is the foundation of lasting community and relationship in this world. The world would be a bleak and lonely place without the gift of giving. So I give. I give because it is the "right thing to do". I give because I want what I do to matter to someone. I give because I'm inspired by others making sacrifices in order to make the world better. I give because I yearn for relationship and community with people. I give, ultimately, because Christ gave to me.

Life and the Ski Slopes

Life is like the ski slopes. When you are starting out you ski the easy green slopes, beginner slopes they are called. These are usually very crowded, not very steep, and actually more dangerous than the more difficult slopes because of the number of people who have no idea what they're doing. Then as you get more confident with the way things are going you bump yourself up to the blue cruisers. Some places put mogels (snow bumps) on their blue slopes and still call them blues, so occasionally you get bumps in the road on the blue cruisers. These slopes, are not terribly difficult, but a slope you might not choose to do again. If you haven't yet guessed, I'm a blue cruiser. I prefer corduroy runs on sunny days with no wind. Yeah, how many of those do we really get in life, I mean, in a season?
Finally when you feel ready (and often when you aren't) you hit the black diamonds. There are degrees of black diamonds--the wide open really fast ones, the ones with bumps on purpose, the double black diamond chutes through the trees, and the narrow, bumpy, fast ones. I don't mind black diamond slopes, in fact I routinely do a couple when I ski just to make it interesting. Sometimes I get in over my head and I cuss, sing, or cry my way down. Sometimes I find out that I am having a good time even though the going is difficult. Once I realized I could never repeat my particular path because it would never be the same again. Isn't life alot like that?
For example, green slope: Every day routine chores, watching/listening to your children play well together, getting that coveted parking spot right in front of BiLo.
Normal Blue slope: Taking your kid to the doctor and learning it's just a virus, driving in a downpour, holding your babies during a thunderstorm.
Perfect weather, groomed blue slope: Nothing actually compares to that, so think of the best day you ever had.
Black slope: well, you know, bad stuff.
Anyway, I don't know where I was going with this post, except to say what you do with your life is like choosing how to get down the mountain. Some of us are more cautious, we make tight turns and always ski in control. Some of us just point the sticks downward and go. Others of us take the cat track down. I had just come very close to flying off a very fast, very fun black diamond--and I was smiling about it--when my brother-in-law gave me some sage advice (he's one of those point the sticks down and go guys). He said, "Marla, you spend your whole life living in control. It's okay to get out of control once in a while. Flying is fun."
So, here's to 2010, maybe I'll find myself letting loose once in a while, after all, those double black diamonds can sometimes be fun.

A Thanksgiving's Pause

Thanksgiving is obviously, a time to be thankful. This year for me, it's more than being grateful for blessings, it's also about being aware and being present. This morning while I was feeding my kids, my little one asked for more milk. As I poured him more milk, I stood there thinking about all the mothers in the world who couldn't even give their children a cup of clean water. Later, after the kids had breakfast and were cleaned up, I sat down to eat a quick bite. Again, my little one toddled through the kitchen and asked for a bite. As I relinquished half of my breakfast to those chubby little hands, I thought of all the mothers who had to chose between food for themselves and food for their children. Hunger even in my own backyard of Tennessee is a desperate situation for so many people. I have never known it. My children have never known it. And I would venture to say my parents never really knew hunger. They may have known want or even tight circumstances for periods of their lives, but true hunger, I doubt it. I hope we never do.
So today, as I put the finishing touches on the casserole and brownies that I'm taking to my in-laws, I pause and give thanks for uber-blessings, clean water, clean air, warmth, food, family, and friends. May none of us ever know hunger or thirst. May we strive to meet the needs of those who do, not only during the holidays but all the time. Blessings and peace to you today and always.

In Community II

To continue the thread from yesterday's posting, I wanted to take a moment to share with my readers the infinite blessings I receive from being in community with others. The term synergy comes to mind. When many people are acting in one accord, it is amazing what can happen!

Living in community with my sisters (and brothers, but mostly sisters) has strengthened me in so many ways. For example, there is something powerful and holy about knowing you are prayed for by others--particularly in those moments when you just can't pray for yourself anymore. You can truly feel yourself being carried on a wave of caring, love, and communion with God. It is amazing to me how a note from a friend in my mailbox lifts me up. I find it mood altering to spend an evening in good company with good conversation and good wine making plans and discussing life's problems. It is energizing to do practical "good deeds." Not only does useful work get done, but the end result brings people together in ways that create a positive, non-threatening, and interesting atmosphere.

Being in community with others also keeps me humble, honest, and focused. It isn't about others being grateful, it is about my own personal gratitude. Is my heart in the right place? Are my motives selfless or selfish? Is my participation a help or a hindrance? In the event I do get on my high horse every now and then, I have honest friends available to call me to account. What a blessing I have so many beacons of light on my journey. There is nothing more valuable on earth than a good, honest, and true friend to call you out.

Have you ever participated in a recipe exchange "chain" email? Well, group participation is kind of like that. You post two recipes and you get 20 in your inbox. Putting yourself in the stream of God's grace and allowing Him to bless others through you, is like being a ripple on a pond. The chain reaction of events goes on and on and circles back to you again and again and again. I have been so blessed by the wonderful women in my life. We have created many wonderful moments in the last year that have left lasting impressions on us as well as our communities. Every time we get together for work or for play, our own lives are enriched just by being present.

I close with a quote from a piece of fiction I am currently reading: "Mr. Simpless, my parson friend thinks [Grace means] that if one cares deeply about someone or something new, one throws a kind of energy out into the world, and "fruitfulness" is drawn in." (p. 116, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows)

Living In Community

We Davidsonians tend to be civic minded people. You know, often times when I read all the alumni news, after the surge of pride and interest, a little self-doubt and insignificance begins to creep in. But I've been working on those feelings and in the last year I've developed a new perspective about what a civic minded Davidsonian (who no longer lives on campus) looks like. Perhaps it's all the Facebook time I've been logging. Catching up with everyone and their families and what they're doing with their lives has helped me look at my own life with clearer eyes. Perhaps it's staying connected with a dear friend whose daily life is its own challenge. She uses her own limitations to change those around her through sharing her very personal story in a weekly blog. Perhaps it's spending time with former Davidsonians and their own children and watching how they engage in their own communities on a daily basis.

I probably won't ever do anything spectacular or world changing. I had the audacity once, to tell my English teacher I wanted to be an ambassador. Well, it turns out I am an ambassador, just not to a foreign country. Instead I reach out and proffer olive branches, world peace, and mutually beneficial trade propositions in small ways. I hold little hands in parking lots and crossing the street. I try to help two small boys and their friends who come and go through my house reign in aggression and curiosity and channel that energy into productive play and participation in preschool, Sunday School, and with our neighbors at the playground. I lead a circle of friends by helping us all stay connected through emails, phone calls, food, and friendship. I support another Davidsonian in her quest to revitalize and reshape a children's ministry in our church by participating in as many opportunities as my schedule allows. I facilitate a Bible study gathering of women that spans three generations. None of these activities is particularly earth shattering, but each of these activities shares a common thread--community engagement.

Community participation is so critical to our well being as human beings. In all our ways (big and small) we seek to better the lives of those around us as well as bettering ourselves by pursuing a life lived in community with one another. While none of my current pursuits fall under the banner of social justice or economic development or political change, all of my activities help me stay connected with other women. I am so fortunate to know so many who when hearing the call: take dinner to a friend in need, pick up a child at school for a mom who has an emergency, organize a family service project that exposes their children to those who make it work with less, collect school supplies, coats, backpacks, bedding, clothing, and linens for families who have sustained losses, are starting over, or need help bridging the gaps. We take care of each other and collectively work to take care of others.

In my current stage in life as caretaker of small children it makes sense to use my time and energy wisely doing what I am able and not hankering for CNN news headlines. Since so many Davidsonians actually make CNN with big picture decisions, it is sometimes hard for me to remind myself that even my small little life is important in big ways to others around me. So I do my part with a cheerful countenance and with joy in my heart (most days). I never know when doing a small thing like taking dinner to a friend will have a big impact. Maybe that rotisserie chicken I picked up at BiLo to go with the green bean casserole I made will free up enough time for her to finish that presentation she was doing before the crisis hit that prompted me to bring dinner--and her idea revolutionizes how we manage health care. Who knows? Maybe I'm teaching a child who will grow up to cure cancer. Maybe my friends' daughters and sons, having been raised in homes where love for neighbor is a way of life, grow up to start foundations that change lives.

Engaging in community and working towards sustaining community through friendship, service, work, and play is really an extension of my youthful desire to make a difference in the world. Making a difference isn't always about the big things. Often times, it's about the small things--a note to a friend suffering a loss, a thank you note to a friend for their empathy and help, an intentional word of kindness to someone difficult to get along with. God is in the big and the small. If I can take care of some of the small, maybe it will give Him more time to do the big. So I think I do make a difference these days--one playdate, carpool, or casserole at a time.